So its December the most festive season of the year. At least it is so when you live abroad.. Just a visit around the city leaves you feeling joyous and happy.. Every year by November the Melbourne CBD is all decked up to celebrate Christmas in style. From Flinders St to Bourke you can see stars and bells hanging across the streets. City Square and Bourke are the most busy this time of the year being the shopping precinct. And its just gives me absolute joy to walk with S or even alone for that matter to see such cheer spread around. 
Every year they have Laser projections on iconic buildings which is so much fun for the kids and adults to watch. 

The MYER windows are a delight to look at. Myer, is a mid-to-up market Australian department store chain and retails a broad range of products across women's, men's and children's clothing, footwear and accessories; cosmetics and fragrance; home wares; electrical; furniture and bedding; toys; books and stationery; food and confectionery; and travel goods. 

So every year at Christmas Myer decorates its windows with a new story. The windows are lively with theatrics, puppets and lights that make these windows come alive with magic. People come from very far off and queue up for hours to have a look at these windows. I have heard the work that goes into prepping for these windows is enormous.. The technicians/artists work for a yr and by now they already have an idea what to do for the next Christmas. Its just awesome.. Two videos from this year's display as below.


Some pictures of the decorations and laser projections in the city. 

Its been 3 days since i had my D&C. 

Dear Baby,

I was told today that you didn't have a heartbeat. I am finishing 10 weeks and was looking forward to hearing your heartbeat for the first time today. Instead they tell me that you stopped growing 4 weeks ago. All these days i was cradling my belly, waiting for a kick. I went all alone to the U/S thinking everything is going to be alright and the spotting that has been happening for the past 2 days is normal as suggested by Google and also by my GP. I so wanted to scream at all those ppl on the web who had commented spotting is normal. I wanted to throttle my GP who comforted me saying 90% of pregnant women spot. 

Why was it normal for them and so very bad for me? The embryo had some abnormal chromosomes said the doc. And hence my body decided to not grow it anymore. Why didnt my body tell me something was wrong? I am sorry baby if i did something wrong. I thought i was doing it all right. Managing work and S at home and looking after myself with you inside was a bit hectic but i still didn't think i was doing something wrong.. Have to do a D&C to remove the tissue out. The womb lining that was meant to be your home for the next 6 months, is now gonna be wiped clean as i lie under anesthesia. 

I just feel so lifeless. I dono what to do... I feel sad and angry all at the same time. Just today someone congratulated me for having a baby and i didn't know how to respond. It hurts is an understatement. 

I just hope i get it all right next time around. We love you no matter what, especially your big sister S. 


Love,
Ramya

Just looking at my archives, the last post was in April 2015. As a kid i always loved writing dairies, felt that i can always read it at a later point when i have absolutely nothing to do. But when your diary gets read by your parents even after it being hid in the most secretive location (under the mattress), in spite of you knowing your dad changes your bed sheets once a month i gave up on it. And years later when i stumbled upon the world of blogging i knew, this is exactly what i needed. And i started blogging fervently. I blogged about my frustrations, my likes and dislikes, my love life .. Then happened marriage, move to a new country and the baby.

So life's been a bit busy trying to juggle work and life. But when i do find time i come back to revisit my old blogs and then decide that i will definitely start writing but then again LIFE HAPPENS :) 

Hopefully this time around i will continue to blog at least once a week. So see you around.. 

Ciao !