Posted by Ramya in , ,

This is more like a dear diary note. I wanted to talk to someone more like i wanted to cry to someone. Feeling a bit lonely. Just put down DD for her nightcap. Have had 2 cups of alcohol but still not feeling drunk nor dizzy. Damn you alcohol, failing me when i needed you the most.

 Motherhood is the best thing that has happened to me. You think you love your husband/partner, sibling, friends or parents the most and cant love anyone more than that, but the moment you give birth and you hold the little one in your hands it feels like you have never loved anyone more. Its a non-measurable quantity of love and happiness that you feel. 

 Lately i just feel left out. All my energy is spent on work, then back at home cooking, cleaning and with DD that i don't even have a moment alone with him. At times i would wanna tell him something and she interrupts it every time. She doesn't even let me hold him and cries out if i still do. I cant make her understand that i like him too but who am i kidding she is just 2. Forget PDA there has been no HDA(Home Display of Affection) too for ages now. Its so overwhelming at times that i just wanna throw everything, run to a corner and cry out. I do cry at times when i put her to bed, waiting for to fall asleep. 

 For guys sex is everything, a way for them to relieve stress, makes them feel wanted, apparently makes them feel better if they are gonna catch a flu(Courtesy of FactsApp on Instagram), whoever did all this research should also know what girls need do they? If they did they should be putting out posters everywhere. She craves for a touch, a cuddle, just a look of reassurance saying i understand, am there for you no matter what during moments mentioned above. When i see couples holding hands, cuddling together or laughing for that matter makes me tear up wishing me some of those. Is it bad that i feel jealous when i see them? Its times like these i wish i was back home in India, at least i would get some time off DD and could get some quality time spent with him.

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Special Birthday - A short story !  

Posted by Ramya in , , , , , ,

Its her birthday tomorrow, but for some reason Joan wasn't very thrilled about the fact. Something was not the same this year. She was neither enthusiastic nor happy. Last year she was jumping all week waiting for her birthday, why not this time? Upset about getting a year older? Nah she didn't look a day older than 25 or at least that's what her friends told her all the time. She went on about her day as usual. Went to work, hung out with friends and back home. Her golden retriever Dash came running to her when she stepped in. She decided to take him for a run around the Tan 
track. That should make her feel better she thought. With Ellie Goulding's Burn blasting from her Bose headphones, she started on a slow run. By the time she finished she had worked up a good sweat. On her way back she picked up her 
favorite fried noodles from the Vietnamese restaurant next to her house. Joan filled Dash's bowl with some dog food 
and decided to have a cold shower. She had her dinner, browsing through the TV channels unable to decide on what to watch. She decided to call it a night when she heard her mobile phone ringing out aloud. It was her school mate Ana calling. 

 'Hey Ana, how are you settling in ?'
'I am still getting used to the damn weather Joan but liking it so far.. Do you wanna start your birthday with some hard 
rock partying'
'Nahh, hey how did you know its my birthday tomorrow?'
'Duh, its on Facebook doll'
'Oh OK'
'Come on Joan, lets go at least for for a movie. There should be some new movie you haven't seen yet, pleasee..' she pleaded.
'Ok Ana. Let me get ready. Will see you at the movies in an hr ?'
'Awesome, give me a call once you reach the mall. I am here for a social catch up with the class guys'.
'Ok then. Ciao'.

 Joan found Ana and they headed to watch the movie. The movie was good and it was now well past midnight and it was Joan's birthday..

 'Happy happy birthday Joan' said Ana.. 
'Thank you said Joan smiling. They were just walking out from the theater into an almost empty road. They were waiting for the bus to go back home when another of Joan's friend turned up.. 

 'Happy Bday Joan' he said. 
'Maxxx, hi. Thanks. Been almost a yr since i saw you.' 

 Suddenly she could see Zoe, Esther, Raj and Maahi too. 
Joan was confused.
'What are all of you doing here? This cant be a coincidence.' she said.
'Happy Bday Joann' they all echoed. 
The road seemed brighter now with all the cheerful faces. Definitely someone has switched a light on thought Joan 
smiling to herself. She was still reeling with happiness when far away she saw somebody walking towards her. As he neared, Joan's eye welled up. It was Prof. Mujkanovic. Joan was sure everything around her was spinning. It was exactly 4.5yrs since she last saw him. She had been in contact via email for a while but nothing in the last two years. She felt bad that she hadnt been in touch in the recent past. He was the perfect mentor any student could have. He had taught her some of life's most invaluable lessons. 

 'Happy Bday Joan', he said smiling. 
'Thanks Val' she said giving him a hug.
'Look at you, all grown up'.
'Oh Val, stop it. I am so so happy to see you. How have you been? How are Mary and the kids?'
'They are good. Kids growing up.'
'Guys we should all move inside and have a seat. We are making ruckus on the road' said Joan
'Ana, i cant thank you enough. How did you manage to organise this?'
'Joan.. I didnt do anything. There is still one more person waiting for you.'

 Then Joan saw him. She saw a silhoutte walking towards her. Even without looking at his face she knew who it was.  It was her ex. She hadnt seen him in months. She thought he had moved continents not wanting to be with her. Her stomach 
was doing a flip. A sense of belonging and familiarity returned. Is this what i wanted? she wondered. She could now see Nathaniel clearly. He held a boquet of her favourite red tulips.

 'Happy Birthday Joan' he said.
'What are you doing here Nathaniel.'
'Wishing you on your Birthday', he smiled.
'Did you do all this ?'. He nodded.
'But why?. I thought you hated me'.
'I never hated you Joan. We just had too many arguments. At the time I felt it was right for us to get some space. But now I know what a big mistake it was. I am sorry Joan for hurting you and breaking your heart.. Will you accept me back?'
'I don't know what to say'. 

 She didn't care to look around. It was just her and him now. She knew she was happy seeing him. She now felt excited that it was her birthday. It was all too much for her to take in. Before she could say anything, she saw Nathaniel reach for something in his back pocket and the next moment he was on one knee.

 'Joan Miller, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a fool to think otherwise. Will you please marry me 
and make me yours ?'

 After what seemed like eons, 'Yes' she said laughing and crying at the same time. 

 She hugged him tight taking in his familiar smell and his touch.

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Good morning World !!!  

Posted by Ramya in , , , ,

I try to squeak open my eyes to have a look at the phone. 6.30 am it show.. Damn you, its Saturday, today is the day you need to be more sleepy and laze on the bed for as long as possible (read before your toddler comes and forcefully opens your eyes)!!  Last night was my night of full sleep or rather the hubby's turn to sleep with DD. So what do i do on my Friday night of fun all alone, locked indoors? I decide to catch up on episodes from Grimm, Once Upon A Time.. By the time am all done the wall clock shows 10:57pm. Ok now thats one thing done... On a normal working day i would have been in my REM cycle 2 by this time, but its Friday so lets Partttaayyyy (read, put your night socks on and get cozy under the blankets)

So here i am all cozy under the thick blanky and wide awake, so i browse FB for a while, then get myself some Mr.Grey time with my Kindle, then do some Sims Freeplay gaming and voila the clock shows 12AM.. That went fast.. I decide its time i sleep cos i am not gonna get to sleep over tomorrow morning with DD coming and screaming into my ears "Wake up its sunny outsideeee".

Even though i slept that late, here i am up at 6.30, hubby dear and DD fast asleep. It seems so quiet that i am actually liking it. Note to self try to do this often. So i get myself a cup of my honey lemon water, grab my Kindle, switch on the Bose to play my latest addiction 'OK Kanmani' by ARR and cozy on the LazyBoy..

Turned out to be a good morning indeed.. 


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