Its been 3 days since i had my D&C.
This pregnancy was a surprise, B and i weren't planning on the second pregnancy. The morning i confirmed my pregnancy with a test i decided to let DD and B know about it too. I made DD wake B up slowly and whispering into his ears that she is gonna be a 'Big Sister'.. B couldn't believe it and he kept asking me if this is for real :) We were really happy. I was 5 weeks along when the blood test confirmed my pregnancy.
I didn't do anything extra to be careful with this pregnancy. I just continued with my daily routine, doing everything at home, spending time with DD and playing badminton every Friday. On the day i turned 10 weeks i had some spotting of bright red blood when i wiped off. Panic set in almost immediately, but it became brown spotting within the next 2days and all that Googling told me spotting in pregnancy was normal. In another 3 days i had an appointment with my GP who also confirmed 90% women spot during pregnancy. The next day i had the ultrasound booked when i was told that the embryo stopped growing at 6 weeks. Some abnormal chromosomes in the embryo and hence my body decided not to grow it anymore was the reason the doc told me for the miscarriage.
The day i was lying on the operating table for the D&C surgery, i started crying profusely just thinking about final this was. With one of the surgeons comforting me and the anesthetist telling me that the general anesthesia was going to be on pretty soon, they put on the oxygen mask, they tried it on twice but i just couldn't breathe and one of the surgeons did call it out as well. But the anesthetist said its mandatory i put it on as i was going to be unconscious and needed the O2 and at that instant all the crappy medical dramas i have ever seen came back to me, what if I didn't wake up from this surgery, what if i have a cardiac arrest due to not being able to breathe, what if i bleed to death, will the surgeons use a defibrillator to bring me back alive. With all those thoughts, i put on the O2 mask again, the anesthetist told me the anesthesia was up into my system. I was asked to take 3 deep breaths and the last thing that came flashing to my eyes was the image of my DD sleeping in her cot and how i hadn't seen her smiling in the morning. She always wakes up to me hugging her and telling her good morning. I just couldn't imagine how B would feel if i never woke up or how DD will grow up without me and with that thought i was deep asleep. This would be the most near death experience i could ever have.
I was so damn happy just to wake up and see everything around me. Couldn't wait to get out and meet B waiting outside the surgery room to pick me up and go back home.
This entry was posted
on 12 August 2016
at 9:58 AM
and is filed under
anesthesia,
baby,
D&C,
grief,
loss,
miscarriage,
pregnancy,
surgery
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