Dear Baby,
I was told today that you didn't have a heartbeat. I am finishing 10 weeks and was looking forward to hearing your heartbeat for the first time today. Instead they tell me that you stopped growing 4 weeks ago. All these days i was cradling my belly, waiting for a kick. I went all alone to the U/S thinking everything is going to be alright and the spotting that has been happening for the past 2 days is normal as suggested by Google and also by my GP. I so wanted to scream at all those ppl on the web who had commented spotting is normal. I wanted to throttle my GP who comforted me saying 90% of pregnant women spot.
Why was it normal for them and so very bad for me? The embryo had some abnormal chromosomes said the doc. And hence my body decided to not grow it anymore. Why didnt my body tell me something was wrong? I am sorry baby if i did something wrong. I thought i was doing it all right. Managing work and S at home and looking after myself with you inside was a bit hectic but i still didn't think i was doing something wrong.. Have to do a D&C to remove the tissue out. The womb lining that was meant to be your home for the next 6 months, is now gonna be wiped clean as i lie under anesthesia.
I just feel so lifeless. I dono what to do... I feel sad and angry all at the same time. Just today someone congratulated me for having a baby and i didn't know how to respond. It hurts is an understatement.
I just hope i get it all right next time around. We love you no matter what, especially your big sister S.
Love,
Ramya
I was told today that you didn't have a heartbeat. I am finishing 10 weeks and was looking forward to hearing your heartbeat for the first time today. Instead they tell me that you stopped growing 4 weeks ago. All these days i was cradling my belly, waiting for a kick. I went all alone to the U/S thinking everything is going to be alright and the spotting that has been happening for the past 2 days is normal as suggested by Google and also by my GP. I so wanted to scream at all those ppl on the web who had commented spotting is normal. I wanted to throttle my GP who comforted me saying 90% of pregnant women spot.
Why was it normal for them and so very bad for me? The embryo had some abnormal chromosomes said the doc. And hence my body decided to not grow it anymore. Why didnt my body tell me something was wrong? I am sorry baby if i did something wrong. I thought i was doing it all right. Managing work and S at home and looking after myself with you inside was a bit hectic but i still didn't think i was doing something wrong.. Have to do a D&C to remove the tissue out. The womb lining that was meant to be your home for the next 6 months, is now gonna be wiped clean as i lie under anesthesia.
I just feel so lifeless. I dono what to do... I feel sad and angry all at the same time. Just today someone congratulated me for having a baby and i didn't know how to respond. It hurts is an understatement.
I just hope i get it all right next time around. We love you no matter what, especially your big sister S.
Love,
Ramya
This entry was posted
on 08 August 2016
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